The Limits of Memory

Love in the Spaces

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You have insufficient memory.

Deadpan.  As if no irony were involved, my computer informed me it had aborted the task of uploading digital pictures.

I don’t ask that much of my computer, but there you have it.

I had amassed more than 1300 photos on my wee camera.  Too many pictures, with nowhere to go.

At first my rapidly antiquating computer flashed a sign that I was low on memory.  Then, having failed to get a reaction from me, it balked like a testy toddler and shut itself down, refusing to even consider loading another picture until I cleared space on my hard drive.

The only way to do this was, at long last, to go through the archives and dispense with the over and under-lit shots, the closed eyes, the needless near-identical extras.  The pictures that simply were not special enough to occupy space in my memory.

I…

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The biography of a book chapter: a short photo essay

The Trickster Prince

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It starts with the sources and stories; that’s where it always starts. Not stories that exist full-formed and discerned. No. These are stories that exist always-already in-the-process-of-becoming; stories that consist in half-thought ideas, half-glimpsed connections, half-baked moments. Intuition? Perhaps. Often I do not know where they come from. Always I suspect they are wrong but worth trying still.

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It continues with the sources. Hard won over many years and forgotten long ago. To re-enter box files is to meet old friends or to be struck with the shock of the new. I told you I had forgotten these sources long ago. It continues as an archaeology of our accreted days and months in some dusty archive or other.

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It stops. It stops just at the moment when you open a document to begin. The blank page takes on the haunting qualities of nightmare. The blank page seems a proxy for…

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If only you had the courage to pursue me before, have the guts to talk me now, then maybe, just maybe,  we could work out the chances.

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Hi! This is a secret blog. I want to give you a nicer blog name but I can’t think of anything at the moment. Give me time to think about it, okay?

Anyway, I’ll just tell you how my day went. I’ll not narrate the whole day but just some incidents which include the interesting people in my life for these past months. 🙂

I went to school early not because we have a quiz in BIOSCI but to see Cal (I’ll tell you more about this guy in my next posts). I just got to know that their classroom is just next to ours two Wednesdays ago. I got a peek of him when his classmate open the door to enter and he’s talking to one of his classmates.

BIOSCI class. Sarado yung classroom at hindi namin mahanap yung orderly so humanap na lang si Sir ng ibang room. Sa room 309 kami nagklase. Dun kami sa first row umupo ng mga friends ko then while taking down notes nakita ko na naka-carved yung name ko dun sa armchair na inuupuan ko. Wala namang ibang nakalagay just my name. Napaisip tuloy ako, hindi pa kami nagruroom ever dun, I even asked Paris para sure pero mukha namang wala syang memory na nakapagroom na kami dun so hindi nga kami ng mga friends ko ang may gawa nun at hindi naman namin sinusulit pangalan namin pag nagvavandal kami. I was planning to take a pic of it kapag pinagbreak kami ni Sir but our class was interrupted because the 3rd year psychology class will occupy the room at kailangan na naming umalis dun.

I saw two of my BS Accountancy friends this afternoon, I approached them and talk. A classmate of theirs, a girl I got to know last week, approached at tinanong nya kung niligawan ba daw ako ni Del sabi ko “hindi” at kung kilala ko daw si Del sabi ko “oo”. Tinanong ko naman sya kung bakit then sabi nya, “wala lang”. Di ako naniwalang wala lang kasi bigla na lang sya lumapit sa’kin at yun agad ang sinabi nya. Then, it hit me. I saw on my FB Newsfeed that Del changed his profile picture and he’s with a girl in the picture. And last week, Bel (my gay friend) told me that he saw Del with a girl and he thinks that it’s his girlfriend. So, si girl yung kasama ni Del sa DP nya at sya rin siguro yung nakita ni Bel. I will not write here why Del is an interesting person in my life these past months, maybe in my other posts.

I saw Cal again this afternoon when my friend and I were going upstairs heading to MC Lab(it’s in the 4th floor of the bldg.) and he is in the corridor of the 3rd floor with his classmates. I admit he really look good in those long sleeves polo. Whenever I saw this Cal dude I don’t look at him directly in the eyes and he does the same thing, it’s always that way. We knew each other, we just don’t talk with one another.